Monday, April 21, 2008
Bowing to peer pressure
Apparently, my younger brother thinks that my new job is like being one of "The Bobs", consultants to Initech -- interviewing people to see if they get to keep their job.
God, if only it were so. That'd be sweet.
My older brother thinks that I'm too busy in my job as a "scheming backroom troll" to post to my neglecterino blog. I will accept the label, if being a troll entails hiding under a bridge and clubbing people as they try to sneak by.
Actually, I've been busy playing house as my better half has made an impromptu several-week trip to snow-bound Calgary to visit her ailing grandmother. But things are looking up.
Meanwhile, Krankor and El Cerdo have baited me into sharing my own list of in-jokes. Which will be funny to no one except me. Here you go:
1. "Maple -- powerful package."
2. "I ain't missing polar bears. I ain't missing no f***ing polar bears."
3. "Look, a Venn diagram!"
4. "I cleaned the booth." (singing) "I cleaned the booth!"
5. A Bunch of Slackers
6. Minimum Rage
7. "May I speak with Ruth?" "I'm sorry?" "My terminal says 'call for Ruth'." "Uh, it's 'Call for AUTH'."
8. Joe F***ing Phone Books
9. "Hey, I think I saw that guy today that looks like a frightened squirrel."
10. "What's that guy's name -- Febreeze? Dale said his name was Febreeze." "It's Fabrice." "Shut up! His name is Febreeze!"
11. "The Rat's boyfriend sucks at chess. But he nearly won. I was too drunk to see all the way across the board, I could only play on my half."
12. "Harry Potter screwed up my order at McDonald's again."
13. "Brown is a poopy colour."
14. "It's Mr. Crack!"
15. "Hey, look it's Doug Henning! Doug, are you going to make Niagara Falls disappear?!"
Posted by sporkless at 11:18 p.m.
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Okay, you're wrong about these being funny to no one but you. For example, the "clean the booth" entry (#4) sounds familiar, although I can't place it. But it's great! Even better are #10 and #11. Better still is the Doug Henning entry (#15). It's been an age since I heard a good Doug Henning reference.
But you must remember that I worked, many moons ago, where you work now, and I therefore still speak "Visa". As I result, I when I read #7 ("May I speak with Ruth?"), I laughed so hard I cried. This has got to be one of the greatest calls ever received at the Visa Centre; it's even better than this one:
"TD Visa Authorizations. May I have the card number please?" "Yes, it's - oh no! Hang on! My cat's eating my cheese!"
Ruth. Absolutely classic!
Oh, and I think Phil is onto something about your job turning you into one of the Bobs. You'd make a good Bob, and what's more, I hear you enjoy Michael Bolton's fabulous music.
[Calling co-worker who happens to have an Elmer Fudd-like speech impediment]: "Hello, Keith. Are you weady for us to come down? Ha ha ha. Sorry, I mean, are you weady. Um, ha ha, no! Sorry! I meant, weady... WED. EEE! Oh my God."
Happened yesterday. Sometimes life is comedic gold.
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