Saturday, September 09, 2006
Reliving a film classic
... and by classic, I mean of course a classic piece of utter crap.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture was on the Space channel today. I did not look upon this as a great opportunity to watch a movie (a Star Trek movie, no less) that I haven't seen in a while, since at any given time I think you can watch just about all of the Star Trek films on cable somewhere -- they're always on.
However, while watching it, I did have what I consider to be a new thought about the movie. The conventional view among Star Trek fans is that The Motion Picture was admittedly a bit boring, but was ahead of it's time, thoughtful, and had beautiful cinematography.
I don't think I dislike ST:TMP because it's boring. I dislike it because it's bone-stupid; a stupid concept, with stupid dialogue, and delivered poorly by all of the actors. (You can't blame them; I can't see them being motivated to try to perform that crap with conviction.) This super-machine thinks its name is VGER because some letters got dirty? It yearns to physically join with its creator? (Or something like that, I can never watch it carefully enough to pick up all the subtle points.) Who thought this nonsense was a profound idea? I can handle boring, but the inanity here is overwhelming.
Bill Shatner's Star Trek Movie Memories book is surely filled with errors and fabrications, but he did do a good job of describing the background of this film. Basically, Paramount was desperate to cash in on the 'space' fad after Star Wars made a zillion dollars, and Roddenberry had absolutely no sensible creative ideas left in his drug-addled brain by that time, so some other guys wrote some crap that they slapped together and wasted a pile of money shooting.
Mind you, maybe I'm giving an unfair review, as I haven't watched the whole movie all the way through in over a decade. I flipped channels today after a while - I mean Christ, is that movie ever boring!
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And remember: according to Shatner and Nimoy, adding in 20 minutes of footage for the director's cut made the movie better. Gah
If by "doing too much LDS" you mean "snorting coke off the breasts of hookers in the back room of Studio 54", then you'd be correct.
(And, yes, I get the joke. Double-dumbass on you, too.)
What's especially entertaining is the idea that this turd was supposed to engage the same audience that made Star Wars so popular. Where are my dogfights? Where are the bad guys? Where are my goddamn explosions?
At least the Enterprise was tastefully decorated with shag carpeting. You could practically smell the bong water soaked into the pile.
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